Yes...it's taboo, yet somehow...EVERYONE has to do it! What? FART! Whether in the comfort of your own home, or in (gasp) a public place! It happens, whether you want it to or not.
Scenario: You are at work. You have to go pee. It happens...3-5 times a day? While you are relieving yourself, you let the flood gates open and what happens?? An unexpected outburst of air...from your bum!! OMG? What was that? So, you keep on peeing, all the while either laughing your ass off, or trembling in embarrassment since you just ripped unintentional ass in public! Do you wait until the restroom is clear? Or do you own it, and walk out with your head held high? \
Scenario: You know you have to "let some gas go," so you, try and hold it in? Or just let it rip wherever you may stand, regardless of the faces you may get? Either it's just a loud little POP noise, or it's more of a silent, yet deadly, odor? What's worse, is when someone in the near vicinity of you decides to let the gas train go, and it is hard to determine if it was YOU ... or someone else. Do you cough and sneeze to make it seem like it wasn't yours? Or do you fan your face and point to the offender? This actually happened to me at the post office today. In line, waiting to mail a package...minding my own business. Teenage red-headed kid in front of me, middle-aged bitter married woman behind me, and I smell..."the stench"...Hmmm...who dealt it? But you don't want to be obvious. It definately wasn't me! So...who is it? Lady to the left, with no sense of personal space? No...she is just bitter. Teenager to the right? Bingo! He is noticibly moving around and trying to avoid the stentch cloud he just released. Me, on the other hand, am trying to to laugh or cough. No one wants to be caught for busting ass, and no one wants to bust the person letting the ass go. Hmmm....
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tis the Season!
I really do love the holidays; I do! But I tend to get irritated when we jump straight from Halloween to Christmas. Are there no holidays in between? I just hard to find it going from skeletons to Merry St. Nick all of a sudden. And what happened to Thanksgiving? It's like the liaison holiday between Halloween and Christmas. Poor Thanksgiving; you're the reason we celebrate comradery in this country, yet you are skipped over to recognize the night of ghouls, ghosts, and goblins, to the night of baby Jesus' birth and the miracle of Christmas, and of course, The Peanuts...what Christmas would be complete without Charlie Brown?? I am tired of seeing Xmas decorations on sale the week of the 4th of July! How about we celebrate every holiday as it comes, and allow a few weeks prior to prepare and decorate? But then again, America is anything BUT patient and waiting for things! So next year, I will be purchasing my Christmas holiday goods around Memorial Day; that should give me enough time to stock up, right?!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
And, cue the cricket whistle
I am trying to update this blog proactively...maybe I am a bit delayed, but am trying just the same. I guess I can blog about positive stuff too, right? Ranting about good things is permissable. I suppose this is a bitter-sweet, smart ass blog.
Truth of the matter is: I miss my baby girl(she's with her daddy tonight)! After having her all weekend, I tend to get a little tired out from following the wee one around and making sure she doesn't get into anything harmful; hello, mobility! Yet, I am so proud of how far she has come. It is amazing to see YOUR child, the fruit of your loins, learn and grow. Her latest trick (is it a trick? or does that make her sound more like a pet?), is clapping. She just learned overnight it seems. She claps when I: 1. clap 2. say "yay" or 3. say "clap clap clap." Of course she also claps when mommy stubs her toe and makes loud ouchie noises...proof she knows what she's doing! Mental note: next time some jackass does something stupid or lame, I'm clapping. It works for her....
Being alone after you haven't been alone for a time is somewhat unsettling. Alone with my thoughts...what thoughts? Random thoughts. Big ideas for dinner, taking a shower, going through photo albums to get my baby fix and fill the void of silence, catching up on my magazines/TV shows, doing random chores...lonely, yet productive. I know she's away for the night, but I look over at her toys expecting to see her. Is that odd? I miss my little pumpkin! Clap, clap, clap for mommy!
Truth of the matter is: I miss my baby girl(she's with her daddy tonight)! After having her all weekend, I tend to get a little tired out from following the wee one around and making sure she doesn't get into anything harmful; hello, mobility! Yet, I am so proud of how far she has come. It is amazing to see YOUR child, the fruit of your loins, learn and grow. Her latest trick (is it a trick? or does that make her sound more like a pet?), is clapping. She just learned overnight it seems. She claps when I: 1. clap 2. say "yay" or 3. say "clap clap clap." Of course she also claps when mommy stubs her toe and makes loud ouchie noises...proof she knows what she's doing! Mental note: next time some jackass does something stupid or lame, I'm clapping. It works for her....
Being alone after you haven't been alone for a time is somewhat unsettling. Alone with my thoughts...what thoughts? Random thoughts. Big ideas for dinner, taking a shower, going through photo albums to get my baby fix and fill the void of silence, catching up on my magazines/TV shows, doing random chores...lonely, yet productive. I know she's away for the night, but I look over at her toys expecting to see her. Is that odd? I miss my little pumpkin! Clap, clap, clap for mommy!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hello, old friend
Wow!! It has been almost a year since my last blog. As I said in the original and first blog of "Cheese and Rice," I don't always finish everything! But, I do enjoy blogging, especially about things that tick me off.
I guess the newest thing that has irritated me recently is vanity plates on cars. UGH! You pay extra for those? "MRPANTZ," ACTLSIZE," MYBOXX," UPSYDE," etc. What is the point of these plates? To let people know what you stand for, or to show people that you indeed have a sense of humor? Or perhaps to tell people you are seeking attention and want to be noticed? Did you ever think that maybe your vanity plate MIGHT be easy for someone to remember in case you decide to flee the scene of a crime? Yes, officer, I saw a green Jeep flee from the scene, with a license plate that said "Good2Go." Hmm....talk about plotting your own demise!
Coming up with clever license plates must be tough. You have to find one that isn't taken already, AND decide if the driver behind you can decipher what "IMALUVMCN"means. If they can't, you can openly giggle that you have "outsmarted" the driver of the Hyndai Accent behind you. Wow.
Cheers!
I guess the newest thing that has irritated me recently is vanity plates on cars. UGH! You pay extra for those? "MRPANTZ," ACTLSIZE," MYBOXX," UPSYDE," etc. What is the point of these plates? To let people know what you stand for, or to show people that you indeed have a sense of humor? Or perhaps to tell people you are seeking attention and want to be noticed? Did you ever think that maybe your vanity plate MIGHT be easy for someone to remember in case you decide to flee the scene of a crime? Yes, officer, I saw a green Jeep flee from the scene, with a license plate that said "Good2Go." Hmm....talk about plotting your own demise!
Coming up with clever license plates must be tough. You have to find one that isn't taken already, AND decide if the driver behind you can decipher what "IMALUVMCN"means. If they can't, you can openly giggle that you have "outsmarted" the driver of the Hyndai Accent behind you. Wow.
Cheers!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Rules of the road
Another day, another gripe.
Driving. It's a privilege. Some shouldn't have it. Or at least not until after they take a road etiquette class. Things that are acceptable and those that are not. Why is it when you put some people behind the wheel, they suddenly turn into Sloth from the Goonies, or Cruella Deville? Either they lose all common sense, or want to shoot you for going the speed limit.
For instance, I was cruising into work and I was going with the flow of traffic...which on this particular stretch of road tends to be like 15 miles over the limit. So, I was going on my merry way, and there's a guy in a "mid-life crisis look at me" car on my ass. How are my fumes tasting today, buddy? So, he remains on my ass until the car in the right lane passes me just enough for him to squish over and speed by me, then cut me off. And then I see him put his arms in the air and motion feverishly to the right...as in YOU NEED TO BE IN THE RIGHT LANE, YOU SLOW BITCH! Then he speeds up and lays rubber. All to get to the red light awaiting at the end of the road. I ended up right next to him at the light. Haha! That always makes me laugh. Why do people HAVE to drive so quickly, cutting people off on their way, just to get to a red light? They can't just calm down and stay behind you, considering they will be stopping shortly anyways? If I were going slow (at least my definition of slow), I would have gotten over to the right lane. But there was a van in my way, so I just stayed where I was, thinking that going 15 over would be sufficient. I guess 15 over is the new 10 under?
Another scenario: the right lane is ending. What do you do?! You are given adequate notice that the lane will be ending in a quarter of a mile...then the little arrows pop up to let you know you need to get over. It's not a subtle "get over in the next 13 feet or die!" notice. Or if there's construction, they put up the lovely, large, blinking arrows signaling that you need to get over...before you hit this sign! I see those signs, I get over. Others feel the need to remain in that lane as long as they possibly can before merging over. This is not the Italian Job or Gone in 60 Seconds, people. Get over! So they wait until the last 20 feet and then decide to cut you off and almost run into you in the process. Then they look at you like you're the ass because they waited until the last possible moment to get over, and then they almost cause a wreck.
People also do this when they are merging onto the highway. I get over if I can so the lane is open for them to merge. But sometimes, this can't always be the case. Sometimes I can't get over. So I either speed up to leave space behind me, or slow down so they can merge in front of me. But some people don't get the hint and like to stay even with you, and pretend you're blocking them on purpose. Here's a note: you don't have the right away, jackass! I don't owe you anything.
Driving. It's a privilege. Some shouldn't have it. Or at least not until after they take a road etiquette class. Things that are acceptable and those that are not. Why is it when you put some people behind the wheel, they suddenly turn into Sloth from the Goonies, or Cruella Deville? Either they lose all common sense, or want to shoot you for going the speed limit.
For instance, I was cruising into work and I was going with the flow of traffic...which on this particular stretch of road tends to be like 15 miles over the limit. So, I was going on my merry way, and there's a guy in a "mid-life crisis look at me" car on my ass. How are my fumes tasting today, buddy? So, he remains on my ass until the car in the right lane passes me just enough for him to squish over and speed by me, then cut me off. And then I see him put his arms in the air and motion feverishly to the right...as in YOU NEED TO BE IN THE RIGHT LANE, YOU SLOW BITCH! Then he speeds up and lays rubber. All to get to the red light awaiting at the end of the road. I ended up right next to him at the light. Haha! That always makes me laugh. Why do people HAVE to drive so quickly, cutting people off on their way, just to get to a red light? They can't just calm down and stay behind you, considering they will be stopping shortly anyways? If I were going slow (at least my definition of slow), I would have gotten over to the right lane. But there was a van in my way, so I just stayed where I was, thinking that going 15 over would be sufficient. I guess 15 over is the new 10 under?
Another scenario: the right lane is ending. What do you do?! You are given adequate notice that the lane will be ending in a quarter of a mile...then the little arrows pop up to let you know you need to get over. It's not a subtle "get over in the next 13 feet or die!" notice. Or if there's construction, they put up the lovely, large, blinking arrows signaling that you need to get over...before you hit this sign! I see those signs, I get over. Others feel the need to remain in that lane as long as they possibly can before merging over. This is not the Italian Job or Gone in 60 Seconds, people. Get over! So they wait until the last 20 feet and then decide to cut you off and almost run into you in the process. Then they look at you like you're the ass because they waited until the last possible moment to get over, and then they almost cause a wreck.
People also do this when they are merging onto the highway. I get over if I can so the lane is open for them to merge. But sometimes, this can't always be the case. Sometimes I can't get over. So I either speed up to leave space behind me, or slow down so they can merge in front of me. But some people don't get the hint and like to stay even with you, and pretend you're blocking them on purpose. Here's a note: you don't have the right away, jackass! I don't owe you anything.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I wasn't done speaking
We all do it! Interrupt! And even though we know it's annoying when we do it, it's even more annoying when someone else does it.
Case in point:
I was on the phone with customer service. Irritating enough. On hold, passed to someone else, then again, on hold, then passed....ok, I'm already annoyed. Can I please speak with someone that knows what they're doing.
Ok, finally a human voice. But, a foreign human voice. Sounds like Ahmed or Jabib, possibly. "Hello, can I help you?" YES! I'm calling to follow up on a previously opened case. "Ok, what's the case number?" And I start to say it 6053... then he interrupts with an "OK" in the middle, leaving me to wonder if he's heard what I said. Do I stop or keep going? So I keep going. 873..."Hold on... 6053 WHAT? Start over again please." Because now that he's interrupted my flow, he's all confused about where I was going. If he had just been silent, and not said "ok" then he would have gotten the case number and I wouldn't have had to repeat myself 3 times, trying all the while not to sound pissed off.
And in the spirit of foreign customer service, look at this little blurb I received in an e-mail. It made me laugh, because well, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.
Copy and pasted from my actual e-mail:
Case in point:
I was on the phone with customer service. Irritating enough. On hold, passed to someone else, then again, on hold, then passed....ok, I'm already annoyed. Can I please speak with someone that knows what they're doing.
Ok, finally a human voice. But, a foreign human voice. Sounds like Ahmed or Jabib, possibly. "Hello, can I help you?" YES! I'm calling to follow up on a previously opened case. "Ok, what's the case number?" And I start to say it 6053... then he interrupts with an "OK" in the middle, leaving me to wonder if he's heard what I said. Do I stop or keep going? So I keep going. 873..."Hold on... 6053 WHAT? Start over again please." Because now that he's interrupted my flow, he's all confused about where I was going. If he had just been silent, and not said "ok" then he would have gotten the case number and I wouldn't have had to repeat myself 3 times, trying all the while not to sound pissed off.
And in the spirit of foreign customer service, look at this little blurb I received in an e-mail. It made me laugh, because well, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.
Copy and pasted from my actual e-mail:
We have recived the above part at our ware house which was not belongs to the above RMA.Hence request you to kindly provide us an update on the request that the part belongs to which RMA?
WHAT??? Luckily, I possess a somewhat intelligent brain and managed to understand what it said, but seriously??? If you're going to work for America, please try to get our language right. Spell check and grammar check are the best inventions ever. Give them a try, please!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Let me help you! No, thanks. PLEASE?
I really try to respect people and their jobs. I really do. But when you have people that are "commission" oriented, that means RELENTLESS. It gets annoying really quickly.
Example: For some reason, a co-worker of mine decided to give my number (work phone number, thank God!) because he was looking for referrals for people that may be seeking financial advice. So, he called a few weeks ago. I was polite and told him that I'm ok at the moment but I have his information should I require his services. Enough said.
Today, he calls back! "Hi Julie, it's Dave!" Like I'm supposed to know who the hell Dave is. Uh, ok? Oh, I spoke to you a few weeks back about helping you with some financial assistance. Oh. THAT Dave. Hi, Dave. Already, I know what he's getting at, but of course, he insists on exchanging niceties. I'm fine, Dave. Thanks for asking. He wanted to follow up from our last conversation, where I thought I made it clear, I'm fine for now! But apparently, in "Sales" speak, that means, call me back and bug me at my place of work. Sure, I can just start blabbing to you about my finances over the phone. So, have you thought about anything I said from last time; are you perhaps interested in my services? Gee, yes, Dave, that's all I could think about the past few weeks. When oh when can I get a call from an annoying person trying to get my business? Apparently, if I wasn't interested 2 weeks ago, I will be now! Oh goodie! So, how are your investments doing? Have you given any thought to perhaps sitting down with me and going over your choices and getting sound financial advice? NO!!! Of course, I tell him much more politely. No, thank you. I'm good for right now and my brother is a financial analyst, so if I have any investment questions, I usually just go to him, you know, for free! So your brother gives you financial advice? YES! For free! Get it? And also, I don't really feel comfortable disclosing my personal finances with just anybody. Well, why don't you want to talk? It only takes a hour and a half of your time. Listen to me, DAVE! NO, I don't! Well, why not? I just flatly tell the truth. Well, Dave, I just don't want to! There I said it! That seems to make him giggle like I was making a joke. No, really, I just don't want to talk about it! My investments are doing fine as far as I know...they are growing, so that's a good sign, right? Even a 3rd grader could tell you that. I can't even touch them until I'm 65 or something like that, so why would I be interested in swapping it all around now? I told him I'd call him if I would like to use his services. Haha. Yeah, I will.
And also, another few co-workers have gotten into the financial planning and life insurance game to make a few extra bucks on the side. Cool, good for you! That makes me, a fellow co-worker conveniently located in close proximity for a good amount of time everyday, a TARGET! Hey, would you be interested in sitting down with me and going over your finances? I can tell you what insurances you need and where to invest your money, etc. NOPE! I'm good. I don't want YOU, someone I work with, to have their nose in my financial business. Oh, of course not. I can find someone else to go over it with you. Um, do you still get commission on that? Probably or I doubt you would give up a potential client so freely. And they keep bugging me about it. They even go so far as to CALL ME OVER THE WEEKEND to see if once again, I might have changed my mind. Nope. I'm good. And never forget the opportunity to offer me a job with your company. Or any friend I might have that wants to sell life insurance. And I really hate to be mean with these people, considering I work with them, but it's really hard. They're like cockroaches. They never die! If I want something from you, I will come to you. There! Is that too hard for you to understand? Apparently. And I have a really hard time saying no and/or being somewhat stern to people. So when I finally get irritated enough to do so, they find it funny. NO! I'm not interested in your services, or selling what you are. I don't want to talk to you about it! I'm sure I'll get another call in a few weeks about another opportunity. OR perhaps, I'll change my mind, and suddenly say, yes, I want you to help me.
Example: For some reason, a co-worker of mine decided to give my number (work phone number, thank God!) because he was looking for referrals for people that may be seeking financial advice. So, he called a few weeks ago. I was polite and told him that I'm ok at the moment but I have his information should I require his services. Enough said.
Today, he calls back! "Hi Julie, it's Dave!" Like I'm supposed to know who the hell Dave is. Uh, ok? Oh, I spoke to you a few weeks back about helping you with some financial assistance. Oh. THAT Dave. Hi, Dave. Already, I know what he's getting at, but of course, he insists on exchanging niceties. I'm fine, Dave. Thanks for asking. He wanted to follow up from our last conversation, where I thought I made it clear, I'm fine for now! But apparently, in "Sales" speak, that means, call me back and bug me at my place of work. Sure, I can just start blabbing to you about my finances over the phone. So, have you thought about anything I said from last time; are you perhaps interested in my services? Gee, yes, Dave, that's all I could think about the past few weeks. When oh when can I get a call from an annoying person trying to get my business? Apparently, if I wasn't interested 2 weeks ago, I will be now! Oh goodie! So, how are your investments doing? Have you given any thought to perhaps sitting down with me and going over your choices and getting sound financial advice? NO!!! Of course, I tell him much more politely. No, thank you. I'm good for right now and my brother is a financial analyst, so if I have any investment questions, I usually just go to him, you know, for free! So your brother gives you financial advice? YES! For free! Get it? And also, I don't really feel comfortable disclosing my personal finances with just anybody. Well, why don't you want to talk? It only takes a hour and a half of your time. Listen to me, DAVE! NO, I don't! Well, why not? I just flatly tell the truth. Well, Dave, I just don't want to! There I said it! That seems to make him giggle like I was making a joke. No, really, I just don't want to talk about it! My investments are doing fine as far as I know...they are growing, so that's a good sign, right? Even a 3rd grader could tell you that. I can't even touch them until I'm 65 or something like that, so why would I be interested in swapping it all around now? I told him I'd call him if I would like to use his services. Haha. Yeah, I will.
And also, another few co-workers have gotten into the financial planning and life insurance game to make a few extra bucks on the side. Cool, good for you! That makes me, a fellow co-worker conveniently located in close proximity for a good amount of time everyday, a TARGET! Hey, would you be interested in sitting down with me and going over your finances? I can tell you what insurances you need and where to invest your money, etc. NOPE! I'm good. I don't want YOU, someone I work with, to have their nose in my financial business. Oh, of course not. I can find someone else to go over it with you. Um, do you still get commission on that? Probably or I doubt you would give up a potential client so freely. And they keep bugging me about it. They even go so far as to CALL ME OVER THE WEEKEND to see if once again, I might have changed my mind. Nope. I'm good. And never forget the opportunity to offer me a job with your company. Or any friend I might have that wants to sell life insurance. And I really hate to be mean with these people, considering I work with them, but it's really hard. They're like cockroaches. They never die! If I want something from you, I will come to you. There! Is that too hard for you to understand? Apparently. And I have a really hard time saying no and/or being somewhat stern to people. So when I finally get irritated enough to do so, they find it funny. NO! I'm not interested in your services, or selling what you are. I don't want to talk to you about it! I'm sure I'll get another call in a few weeks about another opportunity. OR perhaps, I'll change my mind, and suddenly say, yes, I want you to help me.
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