Bowel relief in public

Yes...it's taboo, yet somehow...EVERYONE has to do it! What? FART! Whether in the comfort of your own home, or in (gasp) a public place! It happens, whether you want it to or not.
Scenario: You are at work. You have to go pee. It happens...3-5 times a day? While you are relieving yourself, you let the flood gates open and what happens?? An unexpected outburst of air...from your bum!! OMG? What was that? So, you keep on peeing, all the while either laughing your ass off, or trembling in embarrassment since you just ripped unintentional ass in public! Do you wait until the restroom is clear? Or do you own it, and walk out with your head held high? \
Scenario: You know you have to "let some gas go," so you, try and hold it in? Or just let it rip wherever you may stand, regardless of the faces you may get? Either it's just a loud little POP noise, or it's more of a silent, yet deadly, odor? What's worse, is when someone in the near vicinity of you decides to let the gas train go, and it is hard to determine if it was YOU ... or someone else. Do you cough and sneeze to make it seem like it wasn't yours? Or do you fan your face and point to the offender? This actually happened to me at the post office today. In line, waiting to mail a package...minding my own business. Teenage red-headed kid in front of me, middle-aged bitter married woman behind me, and I smell..."the stench"...Hmmm...who dealt it? But you don't want to be obvious. It definately wasn't me! So...who is it? Lady to the left, with no sense of personal space? No...she is just bitter. Teenager to the right? Bingo! He is noticibly moving around and trying to avoid the stentch cloud he just released. Me, on the other hand, am trying to to laugh or cough. No one wants to be caught for busting ass, and no one wants to bust the person letting the ass go. Hmmm....